Sunday, July 31, 2016

..:: IL 6.0 ::..


I’m gently holding the miracle that I could meet you,
and also the painful emotion which is beyond expression in words


I’m gently holding the miracle that I could meet you,
Because I want to protect your dream


I’m gently holding the miracle that I could meet you,
But still I’ve remained unable to tell you this painful emotion



Lagu kedengaran sayup-sayup dari headphone Nuha.

Afsheen menggeleng kepala seraya bermonolog.

"Budak Nuha ni okay tak?"

Afsheen berjalan ke arah meja belajar Nuha. Perlahan-lahan dia memegang bahu roommatenya itu.

Nuha memandang Afsheen sambil melurutkan headphone di kepala. Kedua-dua keningnya terangkat.

"Ok tak ni? Kuat gila dengar lagu. Lagu sedih pulak tu."

Nuha tersenyum nipis sambil meregangkan otot dan mengurut leher.

"Ok ja la."

"Sure? Tapi apahal layan lagu sedih bagai dengan full volume macamtu?"

Nuha tersenyum lagi. Afsheen ni memang sangat concern orangnya.

"Tak kuat mana pun la. Aku tengah khusyuk hadap kerja ni haa."

"Yala khusyuk. Nuha yang aku kenal memang spesis yang pelik and unpredictable. Kerja memang jalan. Dengan jiwa raga sekali jalan kut."

Nuha dah tergelak besar.

"Weh.. Jiwa raga sekali jalan tu maksudnya aku gila la. Agak-agakla kawan."

"Tak nak spill dekat aku?"

Afsheen bertanya lembut.

Nuha tersenyum.

"Thanks Afsheen. Everything is still under control. Aku ja yang nak layan emo. And I think you know that I will never do something due to my temporary feeling. So just be cool. I will never do anything unreasonable, insyaAllah."

Afsheen menghela nafas perlahan.

"Jangan overthinking sangat. I'm here if you need me kay?"

Nuha mengangguk.

"Thanks lady. Afsheen.."

"Hmm?"

"I know this might be random to the max but, if you gonna be a lover, be like Rangga. Not Zainuddin."

"Err.. Ada Apa Dengan Cinta instead of Tenggelamnya Kapal Van Der Wijck?"

Nuha tersenyum dan menggeleng.

"Rangga left Cinta for nine years. And they end up being together because Cinta still loves him. Tapi as for Zainuddin, Haryati married to someone else in a short period after they were separated. So the key is, find a good one."

"This is soooooooo random Nuha!!!"










..:: Aryan ::..




Kakak yang keciwi (eksaited) dapat adik
Ceni la kot aku 20 tahun yang lalu
Umoq 5 tahun tetiba dapat adik haha




"Hey caught you Cik Mimie~!! Snapping my picture non stop dari tadi. Haihh."


"Yes baby. Cik Mimie sanggup naik rapid turun rapid naik feri turun feri then naik rapid balik. Nak balik Gurun rumah opah Aryan semata-mata nak tengok Aryan dibotakkan. So mestila kena snap the pictures banyak-banyak."

 



30172016

Aryan's cukoq jambul ceremony

Semoga membesaq dengan sihat dan soleh
Jadi saham syurga buat mama abah
Ameen

Amir Aryan Zulqarnain bin Amir Affendy



Footnote: Kakak Aira punya update ada dalam blog lama. And blog tu dah ditamatkan riwayatnya atas konflik-konflik yang melanda kehidupan. Kahh. Tak caya tanya Mak cik Aishah. She is the only person who knows the existence of the blog



Friday, July 29, 2016

..:: October baby :..





I can't believe that I will post something like this on my wall
Tapi somehow aku rasa terhibur baca ni 
So aku letaklah haha

Tapi seriously, time and situation change people
All those psychological facts about people will never be valid for a lifetime



Monday, July 25, 2016

..:: I'm sorry Mak ::..


Cycle time weekdays macam biasa pi lab balik lab
Hari Sabtu pi walimah dekat Bagan Serai
Balik tu terus pi jamuan raya alumni PAMI USM
Then dekat senja baru balek USM
Malam tu memang collapse awai
Ahad pun tak produktif mana
Then malam semalam mesej dgn abang Ameq 
yang dah berbulan tak mesej
Mengantuk and tidoq

Pagi tadi rutin macam biasa
Masuk lab hadap segala benda yang berkenaan
Esok sampling
Then Dr tetiba keluarkan titah untuk habiskan duit grant
yang nak tamat tempoh 3 minggu lagi
Belasan ribu jumlahnya so brainstormla nak beli apa
(barang lab ofcoz)
then cari quotation segala
yes kerja administration punya part

Then balik bilik macam biasa sembang sat dengan roommate
Cerita segala critera duniawi and drama yang terjadi harini
Then baru jalankan rutin harian, call rumah
Lepas bagi salam mak cakap macam ni

"Mak dok tunggu kak telefon. Dok ingat kak tak balik lagi kot.."

Aku pun cakap macam biasa lagi
Tak perasan apa-apa
Mak pun cakap lagi

"Adik telefon mak pagi-pagi tadi."

"Ohya? Adik bagitau la hujung minggu ni jadi kenduri arwah tok dengan kenduri baby?"

"Haa.. Dia bagitau. Lepaih tu dia kata dia saja la telefon mak pagi ni dah hari jadi mak.."

"Mak............................................"


Yes I am a bad daughter
Kinda ego
Selfish
Padahal setiap hari telefon kot
I'm sorry mak..
Very sorry..
For making you waiting all day just to hear
a birthday wish from your daughter...


Loving can hurt...

And now your mak singing Photograph silently in her heart Mimie..


I'm praying that I will never redo this mistake in my entire life again
Aameenn. 



Sunday, July 24, 2016

..:: Photograph ::..





Apahal update blog 2 kali sehari?
Biaqla aku nak layan diri sendiri
Conteng dekat 'kanvas' aku sendiri

Kalau dulu time matrik and degree lagu tema study aku 
The Climb by Miley Cyrus
Dah besaq ni dia rasa lagi nak touchy kot *aceycey
Dak betoi tengok video Photograph ni
Aku rasa aku la Ed Sheerean
*pfftt
Aku rasa aku la baby tu, budak tu, teenager tu 
and yeah now dah besaq panjang
Just beza dia, Ed dah capai cita-cita dia
Aku belum

So apa kaitan lirik dia dengan hidup aku?
Let's check it out~
:D



"Photograph"
Loving can hurt
Loving can hurt sometimes
But it's the only thing that I know
When it gets hard
You know it can get hard sometimes
It is the only thing that makes us feel alive
To those who affected by my ego for furthering my study 
(especially mak & abah) 
I'm very sorry..

We keep this love in a photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Hearts are never broken
Times forever frozen still
To everyone who accept my decision
and support me
spiritually, mentally, and physically 
Thank you..
Very very much..

So you can keep me
Inside the pocket
Of your ripped jeans
Holdin' me closer
'Til our eyes meet
You won't ever be alone
Wait for me to come home
You guys will never be forgotten insyaAllah

Loving can heal
Loving can mend your soul
And it's the only thing that I know (know)
I swear it will get easier
Remember that with every piece of ya
And it's the only thing we take with us when we die
To everyone who lend their ears to listen to my whine
who raised their hands and pray to Allah
for that Allah makes everything easy for me
cares and protects me all the way
anytime and anywhere I am
Thank you..

We keep this love in this photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Our hearts were never broken
Times forever frozen still

So you can keep me
Inside the pocket
Of your ripped jeans
Holdin' me closer
'Til our eyes meet
You won't ever be alone

And if you hurt me
That's OK, baby, only words bleed
Inside these pages you just hold me
And I won't ever let you go
Because the thing that you guys did for me are much more meaningful
And I'm the one who always hurt your feeling
I'm sorry..



Wait for me to come home [4x]
InsyaAllah I will be back with the victory

Oh you can fit me
Inside the necklace you got when you were 16
Next to your heartbeat
Where I should be
Keep it deep within your soul
Thank you very much for endless thought and prayers..

And if you hurt me
Well, that's OK, baby, only words bleed
Inside these pages you just hold me
And I won't ever let you go

When I'm away
I will remember how you kissed me
Under the lamppost
Back on 6th street
Hearing you whisper through the phone,
"Wait for me to come home."
For unconditional love
warm hugs and kisses
Thank you mak abah
Thank you my family
Thank you my best friends
Thank you guys



I'm very grateful to Allah
For lending me such great bunch of people
I know I can't survive alone in this world
I know that I'm just a small creature with full of flaws
but brave enough to dream big

I'm praying that all these people will be there for me always
to be with me in up and down moments
I need their thought and prayers

May Allah grant them a blessed, blissful and successful life
in this world and hereafter
Aameen


..:: Confession :..

Zaman sekarang ni..dah tak tahu bagaimana cara nak menilai calon itu baik untuk di jadikan teman hidup ataupun tidak.

Yang nikah dengan ustaz pun, ustaz main perempuan dan porno.
Yang bertanggungjawab dekat ibu bapa pula, layan perempuan keliling pinggang.
Yang kaki masjid, kaki kuliah dan kaki qiam pun tetiba je nak ceraikan isteri dengan alasan tak kukuh.
Yang nikah dengan rakan satu course pun, tak sentuh-sentuh isteri dari kawin sampai 6 bulan lepas kawin.
Kawan...
Nikah kawin tu bukan benda main-main. Bukan tawakkal membabi buta. Bukan untuk menutup kelemahan diri. Bukan untuk mencegah maksiat. Bukan untuk sweet ada orang betulkan butang baju. Bukan sweet-sweet boleh selfie.
Kawin tu tanggungjawab besar.
Kalau benar ada perangai buruk ataupun hobi buruk, jangan sorokkan dengan bakal teman sehidup semati.
Jika merokok, beritahu sahaja.
Jika kaki judi, beritahu sahaja.
Jika ada penyakit tertentu, beritahu sahaja.
Jika pemalas, beritahu sahaja.
Jika memang suka layan perempuan, ramai kawan perempuan/lelaki, tengok benda tak elok..beritahu sahaja.
Jika tak pandai masak, beritahu sahaja.
Jika kedekut, beritahu sahaja.
Wanita dan lelaki. Beritahu sahaja dengan jujur. Dan selepas itu terpulanglah untuk berbincang berubah, menerima untuk teruskan next step.. ataupun hentikan sahaja hubungan.
Bercinta selepas nikah itu bagus. Tapi tiada ruginya jika kita menyelidik dahulu bakal pasangan kita.
Ahli keluarga kedua-dua pihak juga haruslah jujur tanpa sorokkan apa-apa rahsia. Rakan-rakan juga perlulah ceritakan hal sebenar apabila ada yang mahu menyelidiki. Kerana semua ini penentu kehidupan mereka selepas perkahwinan. Jangan kerana anda mahu sorokkan, nanti kehidupan rumah tangga mereka akan bertahan hanya 30 hari, 2 bulan, 3 bulan sahaja.
Jila sesudah habis kita tabayyun (selidik), tapi masih berlaku perkara yang tidak terjangka.. yang tidak terlihat oleh rakan-rakan rapat dan keluarganya.. maka itu adalah ujian.. dan krmbalilah kita kepada ALLAH.
Sesungguhnya, kita tidak tahu apa yang telah Allah rencanakan untuk hidup kita. Mohonlah pada DIA. DIA MAHA MENGETAHUI segalanya.


- FB post Hazirah Hj Hamzah





Apart from lots and lots of iium confession posts about marriage
I like to paste this one on my blog
I have many flaws, really
One of them is, I'm really good at eating...only. 
I'm not good at cooking

ya memangla boleh ja masak few edible foods
boleh belajaq lagi masak makanan yang best-best
practice makes experience
tapi it takes time
*gosh I feel so lame 







Friday, July 22, 2016

..:: IL 5.0 ::..

Pinggan berisi roti canai telur diletakkan dengan cermat di atas meja makan. Luqman melabuhkan punggung di kerusi. Restoren mamak Subaidah tidak begitu sesak di pagi Ahad ini. Sedang asyik bersarapan, handphone di dalam poket berbunyi.

"Hello. Assalamualaikum." Suara dihujung talian memberi salam.

"Waalaikumussalam Afif. What's up?"

"Saja call. Tanya khabaq hang la. Rindu."

"Kut ya pun nak bromance bagai agak-agak la. Buatnya aku tercekik roti canai teloq ni satgi.."

"Haha! Weh member apeni makan tak ajak..."

"Cut off la cheesy cheesy bagai. Pi beli roti canai cheese la kalau nak sangat."

"Ok ok. Ko tau kan? Sarah dah dapat baby girl minggu lepas?"

Luqman terdiam. 

"Hmm."

Garfu ditangan menguis roti canai yang dipotong kecil itu.

"Ko okay tak ni?"

"Okay ja. Past is past."

"Hmm.. Aku dapat mesej dalam group batch kita yang ko left tu. Nama baby dia Naurah 'Afiyah."

"Beautiful."

"Ko seriusla okay weh?"

Luqman tersenyum.

"AlhamduLillah. Okay ja. And insyaAllah akan terus okay. Aku dah redha kan..?"

"Ko kalau nak spill apa-apa, cari ja aku tau! Jangan layan perasaan sorang-sorang. Bahaya."

"Haha! Yang ni lawak. Aku chill ja. Betul.. And I already know that husband Sarah dah grad master pun. Their life are almost perfect now. Dan aku gembira untuk depa."

"Alaa master mixed mode biasala tu.. Relaxla.. Masa kau akan tiba insyaAllah."

"InsyaAllah ameen.."

"Kau makan habeh dah?"

"Belum. Mana elok makan sambil bersembang."

Afif tersenyum.

"Ko makan la elok-elok. Jangan tak lalu makan pulak. Badan tu kena jaga."

"Tengah nak sambung makan la ni.."

"Kau sangat penyabar kau tau?"

"Haha Afif.. Tak la sabaq sangat aku ni haa.. Nak cakap apa lagi? Roti aku dah sejuk kot."

"Haha. Nanti kita sambung dekat Whatsapp. Ko makan la sampai habeh. Jangan membaziaq."

"Ok. Ok. InsyaAllah."

"Haha. Bye. Assalamualaikum."

"Waalaikumussalam."

Afif tersenyum pahit, seraya berdoa di dalam hati.

"Ya Allah.. Kau kuatkanlah hati sahabatku ini dalam menerima ujianMu. Kau takdirkanlah yang terbaik untuknya. Semoga segala usahanya tidak sia-sia dan dikira sebagai pahala. Semoga penantian dia tidak sia-sia dan bermakna. Sesungguhnya Engkau mengetahui segala sesuatu. Aameenn.."









Tuesday, July 19, 2016

..:: Passion & Patience ::..


Harini sampling cancel due to unfavorable conditions
So hmm nak buat cemana kan
Even dok pikiaq nak pi sampling cepat-cepat
Balek buat labwork bagi settle cepat-cepat
Then focus on writing
Tapi kita merancang Allah jua merancang
Dan undoubtedly, Allah is the best planner

Then budak Fatin Syaza send aku link ni
It's quite long but yes worth to read and heed





1. Tell me more about yourself.
I am Siti Fairus Abdul Sani, a mother of one. I qualified as a doctorate, graduated in Radiation and Medical Physics from the University of Surrey, United Kingdom, and am currently a Senior Lecturer at the University of Malaya, Malaysia. Raised in a middle-class family, I, along with my four siblings, grew up on the principle – “No matter what happens in life, believe in Allah and be good to people. It will come back to you tenfold in unexpected ways.” My parents worked hard to make us confident, empathetic, hard-working individuals who not only stand on our own feet but also stand up for others. From having a secure job as a manager in one of the top banks in the government to starting up his own business, my father never complained about his fate; he considered this as an opportunity to prove himself in the new job. I learned from my parents that a positive attitude, coupled with hard work, determine success in the long run. I was born and raised in Kluang, Johor, Malaysia. Waking up every morning and going to school was burdensome for me while I was in secondary school. Despite my inner conflicts, I was labeled by several teachers as an underachieving child. The problem was that I had no drive or motivation, so I continuously wondered what others saw in me. I managed to finish secondary school with above average grades. However, I knew it was not my best effort. My life changed forever when I received sarcastic comments on my school grades from my class teacher as well as my brother who went abroad to continue his studies right after I finished secondary school.
I started my A levels at Johor Matriculation College, Malaysia and studied hard to prove that I could keep my nose to the grindstone and be an inspiration to others. I finished my college with a 4.0 CGPA and I was proud of myself. I felt like I had proven a point. My hard work and perseverance paid off – I graduated my college at the top of my class and garnered several awards. I was one of the top 50 matriculation students in Malaysia. Gradually, my mindset changed, and it became less about proving to people that I was responsible or good enough to be looked up to and more about the personal delectation I derived from learning and the rewards of hard work. Thus, my college education built up the most-needed confidence in me.
In 2008, after finishing my college education, I received a scholarship to be admitted to the University of Surrey, United Kingdom. Alhamdulillah, I obtained a BSc in Physics with a second upper-class honors degree. I continued to put in my best in my academic studies. I faced a couple of trials and bumps on the way. However, they seemed insignificant because I had overcome the biggest bump of them all – myself. This experience taught me that perseverance, diligence and inner strength are essential to success and I am capable of achieving anything I set my mind to do. In October 2011, I joined a one-year training PGCE course to become a teacher at St. Mary’s University College, London. After that, I married my college sweetheart before I pursued my studies at the doctorate level.
I would describe myself as a very determined and highly motivated person. I take my job seriously but I can see things in perspective and believe I am quite easy to work with. I am an optimist rather than a pessimist but I am also a realist and I cope well when the going gets tough; I am excellent at finding solutions to problems independently. Above all, I would say I am a positive and enthusiastic person. I relish confronting challenges head-on rather than sweeping them under the rug and hoping they go away. Friendly, joyful, outspoken, confident, straight forward and organised are how my family and friends would describe me. From the time I was in the college, I intuitively knew how to help other students by teaching and sharing ideas. Thus, I did these things for years before I finally figured out that I should pay attention to what this meant for my own career – becoming an educator. I love to teach because I love to learn. To me, it is natural to keep learning all the time; I am just conditioned that way. My mother used to say “you can only empower yourself by educating yourself” and it is something that stayed with me.
2. What interested you in pursuing higher education? Tell us more about your Ph.D. journey.
Since I excelled in my final year undergraduate project, I felt driven to push myself to explore and learn new things. My child-like curiosity had intensified when I became one of the top three students in the class. Without further ado, I applied for a study loan to pursue a doctorate. I embarked on my Ph.D. journey in February 2013 at the University of Surrey, United Kingdom when I was 23 years and two months old with so much excitement, drive and determination. In the first four months of my Ph.D., I managed to attend an international conference in Prague to present my first research paper. This opportunity motivated me to go ahead full speed. In the next six months of my first year, my supervisor went on a sabbatical. I emailed him a few times a week to update him and ask questions, and this was fine with me. In fact, it was great because he had a rather large group of graduate students and collaborators. Most of them were very friendly, supportive and cooperative, and I never really felt abandoned. Most importantly, none of my research progress suffered.
Then, I got pregnant. I was heavily pregnant at 35 weeks when my supervisor returned from his sabbatical. In the UK, the timeline for confirmation of candidature for Ph.D. is usually a year after you start. He gave me two weeks to submit my first-year research report and prepare to defend it in a viva. At the same time, my husband had to return to Malaysia to renew his visa. I also had a job interview with the Vice-Chancellor of the University of Malaya three days after the confirmation viva. This process was very painful and daunting for a student mom-to-be. I had to struggle and cope with the workload and pregnancy alone. Alhamdulillah, Allah made things easy for me despite the limited time I had and I passed both interviews. However, the stress affected my physical condition; I felt sluggish and lethargic and encountered bleeding. I knew that babies are ready for delivery anytime after 37 weeks but I was not ready. Knowing that my husband was still in a different continent, I started to have panic attacks. Alhamdulillah, I was surrounded by many caring and loving friends who took great care of me. They swiftly brought me to the hospital and I was admitted for two days. Alhamdulillah, my baby and I were fine.
Again, my supervisor went away. In February, he returned with a mission for me to submit the whole thesis and set up the viva date in June. By that time, I already had four publications as the first author in a tier 1 journal. Thus, I could just compose my Ph.D. out of my published papers. It was an excellent way to ensure that I would pass the final thesis defense without difficulties. I set myself a target of 2 months. I aimed to complete reviewing one chapter a week to complete the six chapters. I had a minimum daily goal of 2 pages. I smashed the target most days. I ended every day feeling good about my progress, which meant that I could start the next day feeling confident. I subsequently arranged a mock viva with my supervisor after submitting the thesis to the department. I was ready.
The day of the defence viva arrived. After years of intensive study and persistent effort, I only had 3 hours to defend my work during a nerve-racking eye-to-eye discussion with the examiners. I constantly reminded myself that I am the expert in my specific field, not the examiners. After what seemed like an eternity, I finally heard them utter, “Congratulations!” It was surreal. Had I really completed my Ph.D.? Alhamdulillah Thumma Alhamdulillah. Within two years of starting and after delivering my beautiful baby, I had succeeded in submitting my Ph.D.
3. Ma shaa Allah! Was it difficult raising a child during your Ph.D. years?
Looking back, this all sounds a little crazy but having a baby during your Ph.D. is not impossible. In fact, it is a brilliant way of keeping you grounded. I would have to say the best time of my life during my Ph.D. was the day I gave birth to my son on 11 May 2014, exactly on his due date at Royal Surrey County Hospital, Guildford, UK. Alhamdulillah, the delivery of my first child was as smooth and uncomplicated as possible without pain meds. The 20 minutes of battling to push my son out were all worthwhile – the pain was intense and horrible but once I held my baby and saw his beautiful face, all the pain just vanished in thin air. When the midwife placed him on my chest for skin-to-skin contact, his smell was sooo nice that I can still remember it. His eyes were closed when he came out to the world but Subhanallah, he immediately opened his eyes widely once he heard the word Allahuakbar from the Adhan recited by my husband into his right ear.
The first few months of mothering were a blur. I learned the true meaning of exhaustion. The area of my brain reserved for abstract and analytical thinking shut its curtains on me. Instead, the primal parts ignited in full force – feed the baby, change the baby, rock the baby, repeat. A baby demands constant attention and time. You need immense time management, discipline, flexibility, lots of sleepless night, constant stress, and non-existent time for myself. Being a first-time, fully-breastfeeding mom and trying to juggle full-time studies with family life with my immediate family members 6572 miles away got really overwhelming sometimes. It was tough and exhausting but believe me; my little son is the best part of my Ph.D. He inspired me to keep going, no matter how difficult things were. Studying with kids keeps you focused on learning, and you get your work done in a limited amount of time. I diligently worked almost every night after my child went to bed. I nursed my son while reading and studied when he was distracted. Sometimes, I read my readings aloud to my son. Once a week, I would go to the library alone even if it is just for a few hours. I tried my best to use the weekend to catch up and get ahead. Admittedly, it does not always work but it helps.
There will be times when you need to focus more on your child. That’s okay. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Trust me, the best part of your day would be to go home and cuddle your smiling, little baby. Doing hands-on learning activities, playing legos, coloring, going to the park – what could be more fun than that? My biggest hope is to make playing at home seem simple, easy and affordable – because it can be! I strongly believe it is never too early to make learning fun and to make it a lifelong passion. I have documented most of my son’s play and learning activities, including sensory and structured play since he was eight months old on my personal Instagram account (id: totsmom_playlearn). Having my son during my graduate school is one of the best decisions I have made in my life.
4. Did you face other challenges? How did you overcome them?
We faced the challenge of figuring out how to support my family’s daily maintenance expenses. You see, my husband quit his job as an engineer to pursue a Masters Degree (MSc) at Cranfield University, UK. His school was one and a half hours away from Guildford, where I was studying. We were in long distance relationship for eight months. Although we visited each other weekly, truth be told, it was not easy. Sometimes you are so stressed out that you need someone beside you to help you through it. However, we decided to be positive and used this opportunity to focus on our studies. When we were finally ready to reunite on a more full-time basis, I was three months pregnant. We lived in a single bedroom with a shared kitchen at my campus accommodation. Three weeks before I was due, we finally moved into to a spacious family suite that was only 5 minutes away from the office and lab.
In my second year, my scholarship application was rejected unexpectedly. At the same time, my son who was then four months old was diagnosed with eczema. My husband finished his MSc course and worked double shifts as a janitor from 5:00 to 9:00 AM and 5:00 to 9:00 PM to provide for our family. My husband’s schedule worked well for us as he could help to babysit during the day, allowing me to do the experimental works in the lab and meet up with the supervisor. Expenses increased significantly, but we were still able to survive and thrive on his income. When money was tight, we embraced minimalism and learned to be more creative in how we entertained ourselves.
Alhamdulillah, I feel fortunate to have married my husband. He is extremely supportive, flexible, patient and wise. He is happy to do domestic chores. He provided a lot of emotional support throughout my studies. The love and teamwork I have seen in my family this past year are remarkable.
It is also important to have a special relationship with our God, Allah The Almighty. We will continually face hardships and difficulties until the day we die. But if we have a close relationship with Allah, all of the hardships of life will become easy. Allah is always near when we supplicate, as He hears when He is called and He answers when He is invoked. All we need to do is to humble ourselves before Him and ask Him sincerely. By the will of Allah and at the right time and situation, he will grant us happiness, illumination and peace in our life.
5. What’s your favourite verse from the Quran and why?
If you read the Quran you will see that all the Prophets went through trials and tribulations. Life is a test so let us learn from the best examples – our Prophets. Truly, the life of this world is short and its treasures are few. This Quranic verse touches my heart and always gives me strength when I faced any difficulties in life – “Allah does not burden any living being with more than he is well able to bear” (Quran 2:286). Whenever a person faces hardship, it is easy for him or her to give up and walk away from their challenges or complain and blame those around them. They fall into depression, feel sad about their situation and feel powerless. As a Muslim, Alhamdulillah we have a constant guide in the form of Quran. No matter what hardships you confront, you will find solace in it. In the end, I pray that Allah removes all our ordeals and blesses us with good life, for “Verily with the hardship there is relief. Verily with the hardship there is relief.” (Quran 94:5-6).
6. What do you want to say to people who are going through their Ph.D. now?
Life as a Ph.D. student is very different than what you imagined. No lecturer will tell you what to do, and you are not asked to do an assignment or sit for an exam during the whole academic year. You will have a supervisor who, if you are lucky, advises you and guides you through the process, and that is all. There are many decisions that you have to make and you should be ready to take on that responsibility. Getting a Ph.D. is not an easy task at all. It takes passion and patience. The only driver in the whole journey is your self-motivation because Ph.D. is the time when you can totally and completely devote yourself to the study of one particular area and become a real expert in the field. Here is my graduate school advice for new and current Ph.D. students –
1. Read, write and network – these are the top key skills in graduate school.
2. Set an ultimate goal to publish peer-reviewed articles – write, write and just keep writing. The writing process will help your ideas become clearer and better organized.
3. Manage your time and get into a routine. Allocate time to certain activities; it helps motivate you to do what you can for that particular task in that time frame.
4. Stay motivated – It is undoubted that you will be lost in the middle of an ocean of uncertainty, and you will have in front of you a couple of painful years to endure during the Ph.D. period. Understanding the big picture of your research work is a huge, huge motivator. Once you understand that your tiny contribution is going to make a small but measurable difference to this overall big picture, you will look forward to doing what you are doing.
5. Have some self-belief. You came so far and have done so well. You should be confident in your abilities, so be positive!
6. Enjoy the ride! The Ph.D. journey has many perks that make it a great experience. Remember that you are still a student, so enjoy life like a student. Do not take everything too seriously and make use of your free time. You have the chance to travel, get results and present them in conferences. You will meet interesting people, have the chance to explore your ideas and to be creative. What’s more fun than that?
7. What is your hope for your community?
My greatest hope is for the millennial generation in Malaysia to inculcate a love of reading and contribute positively to national development. We are living in a fast-paced country, trying to keep up with the current events of the world. In this new age of technology, we can get absolutely anything with just a single-click of a mouse and in a blink of an eye, be it information, accessories, gadgets. Previous past times such as reading has become old-fashioned. However, the power of reading is essential. Reading opens doors to increased knowledge, builds maturity and character, sharpens our thinking, and widens our awareness in social, economic political and environmental issues. A reading habit does not develop automatically. It needs to be nurtured and guided until it flourishes. Change must start with the individual.

Change must start with the individual~
Yes you might be scared now
for what will happened in the future

Since you are not that brilliant and intelligent
like other people do
But if your intention is only for the sake of Allah
InsyaAllah He will never leave you alone