..:: Yang pertama & terakhir ::..

Bismillahirrahmanirrahhim~

            Malam itu merupakan usrah ku yang pertama dengan Nisa' Bayan Baru. Macam biasa, program tarbiyah jika tiada mehnah dan tribulasi, tidak sah bagi diriku. Susah itu tarbiyah. Dan diriku percaya dengan kata-kata sahabat karibku, 

"Kita ini berbeza pada pandangan Allah."

Moga diriku sentiasa unik supaya dipandang Allah selalu. 

             Walaupun lambat, alhamduLillah kami tiba juga di tempat kejadian. Usrah bersama 'geng' Nisa' semestinya lain benar rasanya kalau nak dibandingkan dengan usrah-usrah yang pernah ku hadiri sebelum ini. Selain kehadiran mujahid dan mujahidah kecil, ahli-ahli usrahnya juga terdiri daripada pelbagai latar belakang kerjaya, status dan keluarga. Kebetulan kakak naqibahku sewaktu di universiti yang menjadi pengerusi majlis untuk usrah pada malam itu. Suasana agak gamat kerana kakak naqibahku sememangnya terkenal dengan kepetahan beliau berbicara.

            Aku meneliti wajah seorang demi seorang ahli usrah tersebut. Aku duduk di sebelah kiri Kak Atikah. Intan duduk di sebelah kiriku. Syaza di sebelah Intan. Ada seorang kakak yang juga seorang doktor gigi duduk di sebelah Syaza. Di sebelah beliau, ada seorang kakak yang berwajah keibuan. Sempat aku bertanya kepada Kak Atikah, siapa beliau. Ternyata sangkaanku tidak meleset. She is somebody indeed. Beliau dikenali sebagai Kak Akmal.

           Tiba di satu slot, namaku diseru oleh Kak Husna, naqibah lamaku yang juga pengerusi majlis usrah. 

"Baru-baru ni ada majlis ilmu yang membincangkan tentang kiamat. Nak mintalah adik-adik USM kita untuk bagi perkongsian sikit di sini. Mimie, boleh kot no?"

           Setelah tercengang 5 saat, aku memulakan mukaddimah yang bercampur baur dengan isi penting. Sedaya upaya diriku cuba untuk sampaikan point-point penting dengan harapan Allah mengira usahaku itu sebagai pahala jihad untuk menyampaikan ilmu. Tengah rancak bercerita, diriku tiba-tiba terperasan semua mata memandang ke arahku. Malu tiba-tiba menerpa. Terus aku berkata

"Minta maaf.. Ana bukan good speaker macam Kak Husna."

         Ahli-ahli usrah terus memberikan dorongan untuk aku terus berbicara. Yang paling aku ingati, respon dari Kak Akmal yang lebih kurang ;

"Ala.. takpa, teruskan. Kalau Husna cakap pun kami attack ja kadang-kadang."

         Sambil tersenyum, beliau memberi dorongan. Aku terharu. Humblenya Kak Akmal. Selalu tersenyum meraikan ahli-ahli usrah. Riak wajahnya menunjukkan payah sekali untuk beliau menyinggung mana-mana hati. 

        Usai usrah, ada supper. Aku dengan Syaza share cheesekut sambil makan laksa. Kak Akmal duduk di sebelah Syaza. Disebabkan malu, hanya sesekali sahaja kami bersembang dengan Kak Akmal. Tapi sebenarnya, Kak Akmal sedikit pun tidak kekok melayan kami. Aku sebenarnya secara rasmi menjadi secret admire Kak Akmal pada malam itu.

        Beberapa minggu setelah itu, ada program bersama anak-anak yatim. Tidak kelihatan kelibat Kak Akmal. Kak Akmal ada urusan di Kedah rupanya. Sangat terkilan kerana tidak berpeluang menghadiri usrah beberapa hari sebelum ke program itu. Rupa-rupanya, Allah mentakdirkan Kak Akmal pergi menemuiNya pada hari ini jam 4.30 pagi tadi.

        Sesungguhnya, diri ini bertambah admire arwah Kak Akmal. Arwah meninggal dunia semasa masih berada dalam saff perjuangan untuk mengizzahkan Islam. 

Al Fatihah untuk Kak Akmal

Semoga terus tersenyum dan bahagia di sana

(Arwah Kak Akmal di tengah)

..:: People's expectation::..

"Kakak sambung master? Wahh bijaknya!!"

"Kakak budak usrah? Wahh mesti 'alim ni.."

"Kakak, dulu kakak pegang jawatan penting, then kakak excel dalam study dan boleh sambung lagi, kakak punya time management mesti tip top kan?"

*Hujan turun membasahi taman dalam hati*

Tired of people expectation?

There is one useful solution;

never take credit for the compliment.

Whisper to ourselves,

"Haza min fadhli rabbi.."

Because unquestionably, to Allah belongs whatever in the heavens

and the earth.

And...

It is our fitrah as a human being to be not so perfect.

Leave everything to Allah 

and strive everything for the sake of Allah

SubhanAllah.. SubhanAllah.. SubhanAllah..

Sucikanlah.. niat di hati

Hingga nyata benarnya janji Rabbi~

Regards,

The imperfect Mimiesstar

..:: Confession ::..

Walaupun awak bakal menjadi suami orang pada suatu hari nanti,

saya akan tetap menyayangi awak.

Love you adik~

>_<

Inspired by ;

Mood : Homesick. Rindu my lil brother

Yang sibuk dengan exam sampai tak boleh attend convo kakak dia

Yang sibuk dengan kakom sampai jarang balik rumah time kakak dia cuti

To you (adek), if you happen to read this, please do love me more

=D

..:: May Allah Guide Us ::..

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

I have a very patriotic family. My abah was a soldier of The Malaysian Armed Forces.

My mak is a good wife. She always being influenced by abah. 

My mak menakan is a penggerak of bn for umno bahagian Jerai.

Very patriotic family isn't it?

Mat luthfi was once my idol. 

I admire the way he voice out his opinion for every single thing, bravely.

And I used to be like him towards my family, before.

Saying out loud everything that my heart feels right.

"Kita ni, esok-esok dekat akhirat kita akan dipertanggung jawabkan atas pemimpin pilihan kita."

"Cemana nak pimpin masyarakat kalau nak pimpin isteri pun tak boleh?"

"Undang-undang Islam, kena berada di tempat yang tertinggi, tak boleh ada yang lagi tinggi selain darinya."

"Siapa kita nak lawan hukum Allah? Tak mau dengaq cakap ulama'?"

And the list goes on..

Sadly, I was labelled as a rebel, since it is my nature who 'love' to express my feeling through rebellion since I was a children. 

*sigh*

Then after a few years, I stop admiring Mat luthfi for being a brave and outspoken person.

It's true that, Allah who is the one who hold the hearts.

We as a human being just able to put the effort to wake them up.

And then, leave them to Allah.

What I am doing now is, give a piece of tazkirah or reminder once in a while,

and show them the best akhlaq that I can apply to my self.

May Allah open their eyes.

I love this jihad because it brings me closer to Allah.

I hope that, everyone that I love, love this jihad too.

Ameen.

..:: What's next? ::..

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

AlhamduLillah, I'm officially graduated. The mission to hold the first degree is unlocked. Now, the new chapter is about to begin (it is actually has began already), bi iznillah.

Frankly speaking, I would like to join my friends to do job-hunting. Because for me, the experiences are priceless. Talking about the job, it is a rizq and Allah has written it for us. Sooner or later, we will get it, insyaAllah. What is vitally important now is, the effort towards it (and the tawakkal). That's why I respect those people who struggle in running their business. Striving to create their own space as their source of rizq. How awesome they are! Applying the sunnah. 

AlhamduLillah, Allah has grant me the chance to work and pursuing next level of degree at the same time. AlhamduLillah. AlhamduLillah.AlhamduLillah. May this effort will give a bunch of benefits to ummah. Ameen. To tell the truth, I just want to live my life by studying only. But unfortunately, making some money is a must nowadays. I was not a bright student (and still I am now) so, I was not capable to apply those top scholarship. But anyway it doesn't matter. I believe that, if my intention is on the right path, Allah will lead the way, insyaAllah.

Some people said that pursuing higher level of degree for the sake of the 'title' is useless. Being a Msc's or PhD's holder is nothing if we can't contribute a great thing to the society. I agree with the statement. It is not the title that we yearn for, it is the contribution, the effort and the passion to bring the ummah forward. Year by year, I started realised that this is maybe a channel or a medium for me to build up my self and get ready to give something to ummah.

Different people comes from different family background. Different upbringing. Different culture. Last but not least, different way of thinking. My mak and abah always told us (my siblings and I) the best property that they are able to give to us is, education. If it cannot be found at home, be prepare to travel ourselves everywhere to find for it. That's maybe the big reason behind my life story. I have face the high and low. Did well and got 5As in UPSR and also graduated high school from the last class. The experiences had taught me a lot, AlhamduLillah. I remembered Azali's speech on how grateful he is to get 20 A1 and 1 A2 in SPM (Azali was SPM's 2007 best student). Who knows, if he got all A1 for 21 subjects, he might be conceited or riak. "Unquestionably, to Allah belongs whatever in the heavens and the earth", let's bear it in your mind Mimie. Don't be too proud of yourself. Nauzubillahhiminzalik. 

This 23 years of living taught me a lot of thing. Yet, I failed to be a pious muslim, astaghfirullah.. I hope that, the chance to be a better muslim that Allah has always give to me is always there, till I really become the one. To build a daulah Islamiyyah (Islamic country by means of the Islamic rules become the core one), to build a mujtama' muslim (muslim society), to build a baitul muslim haraki (a muslim family which actively spread and implement the dakwah and tarbiyah), all of these missions are depend on ourselves. How hard we strive to prepare ourselves for the missions? Ask ourselves and answer through the actions, since the older said action speaks louder than words.

I know I am not matured enough to talk a lot about life. But I think, I am not too old to dream and plan for my future life. Having big dreams (with serious actions and efforts of course) is not too bombastic for a muslim, really. Because we have to improve ourselves day by day to be the better one. Saidina Ali r.a had said that more than thousand years ago, remember? And that's why UNIC, the nasyid team sang a song entitle Menuju Wawasan. 

*Sing it to yourself*




Success in life is a must for a muslim, let's give the best to reach it!
Be grateful and grab the other hands towards the success.
Because Allah loves those who strive the best to defend Islam together.


And the most beautiful and the best success is to earn Allah's blessings~

# Entry for graduation will be upload later, since the camera usb is currently at home. Lame.



##Malas nak buat entry pasal graduation dah (padah procastination)


So... the degree was strived for the sake of Allah & Rasulullah saw (for Islam) and is dedicated to my beloved family dunya n akhirah insyaAllah~

..:: The Throwback ::..

Bismillah..

This entry was inspired by  Sir Zul's (my science & bio teacher) fb post and also Matluthfi's hari jubah video

It has been 23 years old

I am here where I am now

Feeling blessed, AlhamduLillah

Still striving for the blessings, insyaAllah, biiznillah

Tadika

I was a student of my primary school's pre school

Wearing the non-covering aurah attire of course

Well I was registered as a student a bit late than others

So, as a 'freshie' I don't have many friends

Primary School

My mak bought me a tudung to completed my school's attire

And the tudung material is kinda light lycra

As far as I concern, I am the only one who wore that kind of tudung

I still remember I bought a small plate of nasi sambal ikan bilis for 20cent

And a cup of cordial drink for 10cent

*incredibly cheap isn't it?"

I am not a good reader (read plenty of books, digest and remember them every words)

but I do love books and love to be around the books

So the library was my favourite place in the school

I became the librarian since I was in standard 3 till standard 6

Secondary School

Most of my hardest times happened there

First time experiencing the hostel life was really torn me into the pieces

AlhamduLillah, Allah has lend me a good clan of buddies there

Who made me feel like I was not invisible

As a student who was not so bright and excellent, no sport's ability, can't marching very well

Introvert, yes I am

However, the peak of jahiliyyah still happened there

*Avril was once my best friend. I listened to her day and night*

I know the purpose of life

But sadly, I didn't treasure it to the fullest

Astaghfirullahhalazhim

PLKN

Still be friend with the lady Lavigne and her clan

And others kpop, jpop and hindustan

Plkn was like a summer camp for me

They teach us to be independent and others

And I teach my self to be a good reader

J.K Rowling, Stephenie Meyer and others help me a lot

*sigh*

But, if I can go back to that time,

I will change my self to be a competent slave

Who will never do something that obviously doesn't pleased Allah

Astaghfirullahhalazhim

Matriculation

KMK, the land of tarbiyyah for me

AlhamduLillah for everything happened there

I meet my usrah

I meet Aishah

I started my baby step to be a contented and competent slave there

I was taught to leave everything that leading us to the sin

It was more than just saying good bye to Avril Lavigne and Big Bang

And of course the 'conscious state' was so unbearable

Feeling like you were killing your own soul with ignorance before

There were so many eye tearing moments and I am very grateful for that

*May Allah hold my self tightly*

Uni

I may not be the same as before

But believe me, I am the old me in a few matters

Still introvert, I am

Still homesick & 'friendsick'

But on top of everything

If somebody ask me what have you got from uni other than the academic scroll

I will gratefully say,

"AlhamduLillah, I am so grateful to be a daughter of pesawah and a caretaker who live in a small house in a village full of paddy field, who was raised with love and care, and now I am a slave of Allah, who will strive the best for His blessings, be a good ansorullah and jundullah and fighting to the fullest to make Islam on top of everything and nothing beyond that. May Allah grant me syahid fisabilillah. Ameen. InsyaAllah, biiznillah."

This world is the biggest classroom, Allah is the teacher

Learn whatever that brings you back to Allah

And you will never lost anything 

Instead, you will found everything

InsyaAllah

SubhanAllah AlhamduLillah Allahhuakbar

Regard,

A slave of Allah

..:: Mesej Dari Adek ::..

"Selamat hari tua

haha

dah aku malas nak wish pepanjang

ingat umur kita makin berkurang

kalau dalam perakauanan debit tua, kredit muda

nak hadiah tunggu result pspm nanti"

00:39 October 23, 2014

=)

AlhamduLillah wa syukurillah for everything~

Manusia yang hidup untuk dirinya sendiri, 

usianya amatlah pendek.

Bermula dari hari kelahirannya dan 

berakhir apabila disapa sakaratul maut.

Akan tetapi bagi yang hidup untuk perjuangan, 

usianya amatlah panjang!

Sepanjang perjuangan itu.

Bermula dari hari Allah menciptakan Adam, 

berakhir tatkala Dia memusnahkan alam

-Asy syahid Syed Qutb

sanah helwah wahai ansorullah

selamat meneruskan perjuangan

bergeraklah ke gerbang jasa~

..:: Langit Malam ; Prelude ::..

"Nur Diyanah Imtinan binti Naufal..?"

Cikgu Huda memanggil nama salah seorang daripada pelajar Tingkatan 2 Cemerlang. Tiada sahutan yang membalas. Kerusi dan meja pelajar itu sepi tidak bertuan. Pandangan Cikgu Huda beralih kepada pelajar di meja sebelah. 

"Diyanah tak datang sekolah cikgu.. Semalam pun dia tak datang. Tak tahu apa sebabnya."

"OK. Esok kalau dia tak hadir jugak, saya akan call parents dia."

Kata Cikgu Huda dengan tegasnya.

Naimah, rakan sebelah meja Diyanah memandang sayu ke arah kerusi dan meja milik Diyanah.

"Diyanah...."

Kanak-kanak berumur 4 hingga 5 tahun sedang berlari dengan riangnya di kawasan taman permainan tadika. Masing-masing sedang tertawa dengan bahagia. Ada yang bermain papan gelongsor. Ada yang bermain buaian. Ada yang di atas jongkang jongket. Ada yang bermain bola. Dia tersenyum. Matanya setia memerhatikan setiap kanak-kanak tersebut. Senyumannya semakin mekar. Kenangan lama menerpa kembali.

"Maa..!! Maa!!! Janganla laju sangat...! Diyanah dah penat..!!!"

"Haaa!!! Diyanah lambat lari, Mama tangkap Diyanah!!"

"Tamaulaaa Maaa!!!"

Akhirnya Diyanah berada dalam dakapan mamanya. Kanak-kanak kecil berumur 4 tahun itu tertawa bahagia.

Betapa Diyanah merindui saat bersama arwah mamanya. Diyanah menyeka air hangat yang mengalir di pipi.

Hujan turun lebat. Guruh pula berdentum dengan kuatnya. Namun, suara Mak Yong menengkingnya dapat menandingi dentuman guruh tersebut.

"Kalau kau rasa kau bagus sangat, kau rasa kau dah besar sangat, kau ambil semua baju-baju kau ni, barang-barang kau ni. Kau berambus keluar dari sini!!!"

Buku-buku dan pakaian milik Diyanah dilempar ke luar rumah. Mak Yong sudah naik angin. Diyanah mengambil beg plastik yang terselit di celah rak kasut, lalu mengisi barang-barang miliknya ke dalam plastik tersebut. Suara Mak Yong menghamburkan kemarahan masih kedengaran.  

"Kau dengan ayah kau sama je perangai!! Pentingkan diri sendiri!! Perasan bagus!! Tak hormat orang!! Orang macam ni tak layak hidup!! Baik mati je!! Senang cerita!!"

Buku-buku dan pakaiannya sudah basah dek kerana air hujan. Diyanah masih lagi mengutip satu persatu barangnya. Air matanya jatuh membasahi pipi selebat air hujan yang turun membasahi bumi. 

"Diyanah.."

Tok mama memanggil perlahan. Diyanah mengangkat kelopak mata sedikit.

"Cucu Tok Mama ni demam ye..?"

Tapak tangan Tok Mama terasa sejuk di dahi.

"Nanti Tok Mama ambilkan kain tuala basah ye.. Diyanah nak makan tak..?"

Lembut suara Tok Mama bertanya. Diyanah menggelengkan kepala.

"Nanti dah lapar, Diyanah bagi tahu ye..Diyanah tunggu sekejap ye.."

Diyanah memejamkan kembali matanya. Air mata mengalir sekali lagi. Entahlah.. Mungkin dia jatuh sakit kerana 'bermain hujan' semasa berjalan kaki dari rumah Mak Yong ke rumah Tok Mama tempoh hari. Atau.. Mungkin dia cemburu dan terasa hati apabila Opah menceritakan bahawa Baba dan Aunty bakal menimbang cahaya mata tak lama lagi.

"Baba dah tak sayang Diyanah ke..? Dah tak rindu Diyanah ke..? Diyanah rindu Baba.. Diyanah rindu Maa.."

Ujian yang berat, tanda Allah sayang. Persoalannya, sejauh mana hati mampu menerima?

..:: Contengan Ramadhan ::..

Andy menggalas gitar di belakang. Letak topinya di kepala dikemaskan. Monolog dalam hati, 

"Nak beli apa untuk berbuka ni?"

Mata menatap permandangan bazar Ramadan di hadapannya. Telinga menangkap bunyi riuh rendah suasana di bazar.

Tiba-tiba terdengar satu lagu yang boleh diterima otak dan hatinya mengatakan.. best.

They came with their tanks and their planes
With ravaging fiery flames
And nothing remains
Just a voice rising up in the smoky haze 

Andy menoleh ke kanan. Seorang budak lelaki tengah menyusun helaian surat khabar lama untuk dijadikan pembungkus nasi dan lauk pauk di gerai ayahnya mungkin. Lagu itu datang dari telefon tangan di atas meja itu.

We will not go down
In the night, without a fight
You can burn up our mosques and our homes and our schools
But our spirit will never die
We will not go down
In Gaza tonight

Andy melangkah ke arah gerai tersebut perlahan-lahan.

Adik lelaki tersebut mengangkat kepala. Dia memandang meja sebelah. Bapa dan ibunya sibuk melayan pelanggan membeli.

"Ya bang? Nak nasi ka?"

Andy tersenyum.

"Haa.. Bolehla."

"Sat na."

Adik tersebut mengambil pinggan yang sudah dilapik dengan plastik lutsinar, lalu mencedok nasi.

"Dik tumpang tanya, lagu tu apa tajuk dia?"

"Oh..We Will Not Go Down. Michael Heart yang nyanyi."

"Ohh.."

Andy tersengih.

Nasi sudah siap dibungkus.

Women and children alike
Murdered and massacred night after night
While the so-called leaders of countries afar
Debated on who's wrong or right

"Abang nak lauk apa?"

"Err.. Sambal sotong satu dengan sayur bayam."

Sambal sotong dan sayur bayam sudah diikat kemas. Adik tersebut menarik plastik yang tergantung di tepi meja.

But their powerless words were in vain
And the bombs fell down like acid rain
But through the tears and the blood and the pain
You can still hear that voice through the smoky haze

"Lagu tu best kan bang? Pasal Palestin."

"Ohh..Haah." 

Andy menjawab pendek. Dia mengeluarkan wallet dari poket belakang.

We will not go down
In the night, without a fight
You can burn up our mosques and our homes and our schools
But our spirit will never die
We will not go down
In Gaza tonight

"RM4.20 bang."

Duit bertukar tangan. 

"Jual ya bang." 

Adik tersebut mengukir senyuman ikhlas.

"Beli." Andy senyum membalas.

Usai solat Maghrib, Andy mencapai tabnya. Andy klik pada icon Facebook setelah sekian lama tidak aktif di laman sosial tersebut. Hampir separuh dari notificationnya update dari akaun FB adik perempuannya, Mimie. 

Terkini, Mimie share mengenai Palestin yang kembali diserang bertubi-tubi. Ada beberapa nombor akaun bank disertakan untuk menyalurkan sumbangan. Andy klik butang play pada video di post tersebut.

                         

We Will Not Go Down (Song For Gaza)

A blinding flash of white light
Lit up the sky over Gaza tonight
People running for cover
Not knowing whether they're dead or alive

They came with their tanks and their planes
With ravaging fiery flames
And nothing remains
Just a voice rising up in the smoky haze

We will not go down
In the night, without a fight
You can burn up our mosques and our homes and our schools
But our spirit will never die
We will not go down
In Gaza tonight

Women and children alike
Murdered and massacred night after night
While the so-called leaders of countries afar
Debated on who's wrong or right

But their powerless words were in vain
And the bombs fell down like acid rain
But through the tears and the blood and the pain
You can still hear that voice through the smoky haze

We will not go down
In the night, without a fight
You can burn up our mosques and our homes and our schools
But our spirit will never die
We will not go down
In Gaza tonight

We will not go down
In the night, without a fight
You can burn up our mosques and our homes and our schools
But our spirit will never die
We will not go down
In the night, without a fight
We will not go down
In Gaza tonight

Andy kemudiannya klik pada nama akaun FB Mimie. Dia meneliti post-post pada timeline akaun FB adiknya itu.

Ada cerita mengenai Palestin. Qunut Nazilah. Seruan untuk cakna mengenai isu umat Islam di Syria, Iraq, Mesir, Myanmar dan lain-lain.

Ada juga sepotong hadis yang dipost

“Barangsiapa tidak mengambil berat tentang urusan umat Islam, maka bukanlah mereka daripada kalangannya” 

Dan hadis yang lain,

“Sebaik-baik manusia ialah yang memberi manfaat kepada manusia lainnya."

Andy melepaskan hela. Al Quran di rak buku dicapainya. Mata melihat jam di tangan. Ada lagi 15 minit sebelum azan kedengaran dari masjid yang berdekatan dengan rumah sewanya. Al Quran dibuka dan dibaca. 

Andy berazam dalam hati untuk memperbaiki diri supaya lebih sensitif sebagai umat Islam yang benar-benar mempraktiskan Islam.